About My Ghost in the Passenger Seat
This is the diary of my continuing travels and experiences, trying to live the life my darling Linda hoped I would have.
At 'My Ghost in the Passenger Seat', I want to share my journey through grief, a taboo subject that most people avoid.....until the worst happens.
By sharing my experience. I hope others will find benefits and get an understanding of the impact of loosing your soulmate, but also of the help that is out there for us all. Not a best seller, but just perhaps a comfort and perhaps a few lighter moments on the way.
Lin and Steve, two halves of a whole.
31 glorious years together, all too short.
Life has been tough since my best friend, wife and soul mate of thirty one years passed away from the evil that is cancer during the tragic Covid years. The situation is all the more painful as the NHS admitted dearest Linda would have been cancer free if they had got the diagnosis right in 2016, best leave it at that.
Death and grief are subjects few people want to think about, let alone discuss, as such most of us are totally unprepared for a catastrophic event that will irreversibly change our life. It is well over two years now, still I am stumbling around, trying to find anything that is remotely enjoyable, have a life you said and told all our friends to ensure I did, I am trying my darling.
My wife, Linda and I travelled widely, I still get away often, writing has been a great comfort. Now after finishing my book, 2 Equals 1, to continue with this therapeutic pastime a 'Blog' seems the obvious answer.
Should anything here strike a chord or you just want to drop me a line, please use the email form opposite. Cheers Steve
Lin was registered blind with just a little window of clear vision in her left eye, it was remarkable the arts and crafts she was able to do to fill her days. We worked together in the same energy company for twenty years spending nearly all our time together, it worked, we were two halves of a whole, Lin used to say we were like two old socks, one no good without the other, how right you were darling.
The last two years writing about our life and many travels and adventures have kept me sane, but now ‘Two Equals One’ and available as both a Kindle 'E' book and paperback on Amazon.
Our travels over the years took us all around Europe.
Thanks to owning timeshares we stayed in some wonderful luxury apartments, many of these memories are captured in 2 Equals 1 so I wont repeat them here.
We used to sit in our beloved summerhouse overlooking the wonderful garden that we spent hundreds of hours bringing back to full glory. Little shelves crammed with mementoes from our many trips. We would reminisce for hours on our travel adventures and plan new ones. My books are written as if we are chatting still in that summerhouse, just you and me baby, people tell me the style works, so here we go my dear, you are with me as always, if now only in spirit, My ghost in the passenger seat.
Meet Madje
A New Chapter
2017 Eldis Autoquest 115 Majestic.
Regrettably my first motor home purchase, the Auto-sleeper Nuevo proved to have too many corrosion and mechanical issues not to hand it back to the dealer. Which is a shame as the size was perfect for me bodywork good and interior superb, but it would have been a money pit. As the new mot was a bit dodgy to say the least I was able to just pay the difference and get a much newer van.
Tomorrow, Friday 26th July, I swap over the vans, 90 minutes on the phone today to change the insurance ensuring a couple of hours overlap cost an extra £565 on top of the £445 already paid, ouch, but it does include breakdown cover, too right! The Nuevo was £24k, Madje, as I have named her is a heart stopping £45k, but under 7k miles and a beautiful fully loaded machine, even air conditioning in the habitation area. The past 10 days I really enjoyed pottering with the Nuevo, loading it up putting in non slip mats in the cupboards and generally getting it ready. I should have waited until my garage had checked her out. So I have a sat nav and cordless reversing camera that is now surplus to requirements, yes dearest, I know, impatient idiot! But that time did convince me a van was the right way forward, hopefully it will have the added bonus of getting me fitter! At the end of the day, £45k is about 3 years of cruises and holiday rentals rentals that I don’t really enjoy and there would not be an asset left at the end of the day. I am also convinced our cosy existence is on the brink of being lost, especially with Labour in power and Europe in chaos, so the mantra, do what you can, while you can is never truer. I will probably have another sleepless night until Madje is safely on the drive. Unfortunately I have a cottage booked for the first week of August, but that will be nice, then I can have a trial run in Madje, probably to Fishery Creek on Hayling Island, with the bike on the back! That will give me time to learn all the new systems and get the Wi Fi up and running, I can’t wait. I put the new van into Charnocks garage for a service straight away, I had to be sure this was a good one, especially as it’s first seven years we’re spent in Roedean above Brighton Marina in the salt air. I was pleased to hear Madje has a clean bill of health, I need to do a bit of cosmetic rust prevention underneath, but nothing to worry about. I could find no record of the Cam Belt being changed, only 7k miles but 7 years, it would be foolish to risk it. That is booked for the 4th September, no long trips till then, but a 3 night trial run to Hayling Island is booked.
I had the trip to Devon, yes you guessed darling, major disaster, I went as far as the Premier Inn in Seaton again to break the journey. Pleasant enough, except for the crap meal in the hotel, the manager offered me a free desert as compensation. I said, no, but you can get me another wine, then when I got home I saw the bastard had put £7 on my card. Devon was of course beautiful, but oh my god so busy. Monday I went to Salcombe, two circuits of the one way system and back to the cottage. The cottage, wonderful small terrace by the mill stream, but it had been a granny flat and reminded me of staying with my dear old nan in the 60s. It smelt musty and damp as well, such a shame, the owners were lovely, but really far to old to be running a rental. The Mill barn alongside was having a new roof, so on Monday the builders moved in. 5.30 am on Wednesday I drove home, had enough. After loosing you my dearest, I told myself that I would never do anything I did not want to do again, unless of course it involves being polite, particularly with family. I am really not sure I can cope with going solo, of course there will never be another ‘old sock’ so I best get on with it for the rest of my time. I do have to change my lifestyle and get fitter. How long have I been saying that my dear, yes, too bloody long, but the time has come, I really do want to enjoy Madje as much as is possible. I might even think of one of the camping clubs escorted tours to Spain in the winter, I need to get my confidence back for foreign touring.
The beauty of Madje, is that it is an extension of home, so no need to run home, just change campsites!
So the only trip left booked is the cruise to Northern Spain on Ventura at the end of September, different and a part of Spain we loved my darling on our two camper van ‘Grand Tours’, it will be different. My cabin is up on the Lido deck, L306, our favourite L312 had gone, oh how we loved that location, so close to everything and lifts right next door.
I am really enjoying preparing Madje for travelling, unfortunately not the huge amount of storage we had in Brian, our Swift Sundance, but it is just me, sadly. Madje is very practical just for me. I have joined both major clubs now, so all of our favourite campsites will be open to me, not sure how it will feel going back on my own, more memories prompting more writing I hope. Today I took down all the curtains and boxed them up, every window has blinds so they are just pretty dust magnets, I am making it practical for me. I will take off the arm rests on the passenger seat, to allow easy access to the cabin for my fat butt and swollen tummy, and let the seat swivel without having to open the passenger door. You know me Linda, I used to try and pack equipment for every conceivable emergency. I have to be more realistic now, beside I do have breakdown cover!
So between now and the 20th August I will carry on prepping Madje and start work on the surface rust underneath, me, scrabbling around on the concrete like a beached Walrus, you would be laughing your socks off dear, God bless you.
I just hope it works for me.
First outing to Emsworth
A great success
Well Linda I am off to the site near Emsworth on Friday for two nights to get to know Madje. I could not wait until Hayling Island on the 20th, and why not. Emsworth was one of of favourite regular sites, close to home, pub next door and on the excellent 700 bus route. Part of me thinks my dear, that if I can do this without too much distress then I should be OK. I am really enjoying getting the van ready, but we are having a bit of a heatwave and it is hard to do much at all for more than a few minutes. I have flushed both fresh and waste water tanks and the van is pretty much good to go tomorrow, just food and clothes to pack. I am really looking forward to this trial run. Of course I have been keeping a spreadsheet on everything I have spent on Madje, you know me darling I love my Excel. There has been nearly £700 on ‘sundries’ kit needed to get the van in running order. I have splashed out on a well regarded rust prevention kit, Lanoguard, it just sprays on the chassis and suspension and both cures and prevents rust, the reviews are very encouraging. I just have to get down on the concrete and do it! I got a second propane cylinder, Madje has an expensive automatic bottle change over valve, great if the gas runs out mid cooking. This van really does come fully loaded with extras, I am eager to ensure they all work. I was given a 20m electric hook up cable by the dealer, but darling we learnt from experience that the clubs electric points are a maximum of 25m from pitches and weather proof joiner boxes are barred, remember Gower! So a 25m one came yesterday, I think I have been Amazon’s best customer lately, today hopefully the final thing will arrive, a lightweight fold up coffee table to go outside by my chair. It is really annoying that much of these purchases are replacements for things sold on Ebay after the caravan was sold. But I really never thought I could facing camping on my own, really I should have bought a van two years ago instead of wasting money on cruises and rentals. Although my Bonkie, as I have learned from the St Barnabas group, we bereaved have a path to travel, a journey that takes time until our heads start to straighten out, if ever. I had hoped to get a week or 10 days in North Devon in September, but I am a bit trapped by the food bank runs, my fault, I told them that with the van I would be away a lot more. They called for more volunteers, three couples came forward so I drew up a rota, they gave me their unavailable dates and it works out they do 3 or 4 runs till Christmas and I have 7 to fill the gaps! Still it is better than every week.
Oh I do hope tomorrow goes well, once the cam belt is done and I have sprayed the underside I should be set for a year. I might even downsize the car, it seems crazy to have two expensive vehicles and the Honda will not be doing a lot in future, much thought needed as I do love that car.
My two nights trial run was very successful and I am pleased to say comfortable. Everything seems to work including the air conditioning unit, there were a frantic few minutes without electric before dickhead discovered the new hook up cable needed to be pushed in a bit further to connect! Stop laughing Linda! A spray of silicone will ease that. I put the awning out, it needed a good wipe down and I need to give it a good spray on the joints with silicone, that can will get a lot of use! I used the full double bed this time, very good indeed, tomorrow I go to Fishery Creek for 3 nights, I will try out the single bed using the passenger seat, all a question of trial and error. The Internet router I bought works well on my phone and tablet but for some reason I cannot get the TV to connect, nor to the club site WiFi, which was surprisingly good. But plenty of time to work that out. Watching the TV from the sofa was not particularly comfortable, so I revolved the drivers seat, reclined a bit and ‘Voila’ viewing heaven with legs up on the settees. In the morning I tried out the shower, plenty of water pressure and just enough room for big old me. The clingy shower curtain was a pain and the toilet floor area still got wet, so I have taken the damn thing down, much better. I ate in the Travellers Rest the first night, nice Moules and Frites, but stale bread and a bland sauce, I suspect just single cream tipped over the Vac Pac mussels, or am I just a many git, do not answer that Linda! I look forward to a proper adventure, North Devon first I think, but that won’t be till October thanks to food bank commitments. I hope to go to Snowdonia or maybe the lakes before Christmas, I think this van may just be the answer, if anything can be without you my dearest. Monk Monk and Naughty Morty, your ‘boys’ are of course on the dash, awaiting the adventures eagerly, I talk to them as I drive, as we used to.
I will be pleased when the cam belt is done, there was a horror story in MMM, a couple in France, Bang, the belt was 5 years old but low mileage, £10 grand later they got home, Madje’s is 7 years old but few miles, fingers crossed.
I know it will be hard, but there are some places that we really loved that I feel I would like to revisit, Garliestown in Scotland immediately springs to mind, but also areas we never got to, Northumberland especially. Driving Madje is so different to Brian, that extra power and six gears really let you keep up with traffic, the sat nav seems to be up to date and all in all it is a pleasure to drive, and I have a toilet!
August 2024
Fishery Creek Hayling Island
Well, I can see why Sue loves this site. I have, OK, it is August, so an expensive creekside pitch, but it is wonderful, well when the tide is in! I have found it to be very welcoming. I had great trouble getting the electrics to work, Lee, the very helpful assistant twiddle the bollard switches until it accepted I was allowed electric! There are of course many family groups, but the site is relaxing. It is August, I paid £48 a night for this premium pitch, but compared to a August hotel it is a bargain. In future I will of course be a low season traveller, but in these early days I am happy. There is a lovely atmosphere here, great for people watching, or black hatting. But oh, Lindy Lou, you would have bloody loved it! Happy, sad, happy sad, the eternal conundrum. You, my lovely lady, wanted me to have a life, but I feel oh so bloody guilty, after all, you are the founder of all this funding. I had a stroll around the site and memorised the prime pitch numbers, 14a and 15 right by the slipway are tops but 16, 17 and 18 are great too. There was a brand new top of the range van conversion, seemed to be a single lady, I commented ‘nice pitch, nice van’ and got a smile, I did wonder if she might have been reviewing the van for one of the magazines. I had a cider on the cafe terrace while people watching, or ‘black hatting’ as we called it, oh course you would have been chatting to all and sundry. I went mad, well for me, and ate in the cafe early evening. One section of the menu is tapas dishes, right up your street my darling. I chose butterfly prawns, whitebait and a few chips, I thought of you the whole meal, it is what you would have chosen. I had a very comfortable night, high tide came and went so at 7am the Creek was just mud, but by 11 it was filling again. I took the rather overgrown Creek path to town and the beach about lunchtime, my first decent walk for a while. I sat and watched the sea for a while then moved to the pub terrace, The Lifeboat, I am sure we had a couple there on our visits. I had a pleasant time watching the little train load up for it’s 1pm run, it was very ‘chumbly’. Walking back, it was high tide, a spring one at that, the first 50 metres were flooded, so I clung to the fence and ploughed through the brambles. Back at the van, me clambering over the wooden fence would have had you in stitches, but I made it. I was so taken with this site that I decided to make another booking, the weather this time persuaded me not to bring the bike, but I want to, and soon. So I walked over to reception and booked 3 nights for the 10th September, that solves that quandary as to what to do before my final cruise. I got pitch 12, overlooking the Warners lake and close to the slipway. I had a final drink on the terrace and a lady, who was with her mother bade me sit with them. I had a pleasant chat with them about all things motorhome, blimey Lin, what is happening to me? I had booked 3 nights, but the forecast for tomorrow is gales and rain, not a great day to be camping, by late afternoon I decided to be up and off by 7am, to beat the ever hateful Chichester bypass, stop building for gods sake, we are full up! Up at 6, after another cosy night, a quick cup of tea and then the chores. Unfortunately there is only one toilet emptying point, it is quite a slog with a heavy cassette. Then the rubbish, finally I was ready to unhook the electric, slide off the levelling ramps and be ready for the off, at the gate the manager pointed out my main roof vent was wide open! Doh! I really enjoyed this little trip and I know now getting the van was the right thing, of course I came home with a little list of jobs to do, but that is all part of the fun. It is looking like October will be my first major trip, North Devon perhaps.
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